I was wrong.

I really like good post titles. Good here = short and inyourface. No need for pussyfooting. (According to my husband, the feline star of the story Puss in Boots is a bastard. He realized this reading aloud to our daughter the other night.)

At first I was going to call this "Retraction." But let's face it. "Retraction" would work for a dire film or maybe a dire anti-aging product by Revlon, as in

Retraction: Take the Days Away, One Line at a Time

Anyway, I glanced over my posts just now and realized that it sounds from my last one like I didn't mean all the preceding ones. So let me be clear: I did. When I said I was 'playing a part,' I intended that to mean that I've been employing one of my very real personas, but not scripting and editing myself toward my more public persona... hopefully that makes sense...

Persona: Make the Mask Your Own, One Pore at a Time

Posting Everyday

So I've decided to participate in NaBloPoMo - National Blog Post Month - and post everyday for a month.

Motivation: because of the Ravaging Guilt I feel over my failed attempt at NaNoWriMo - writing a novel in a month. This, however, I think I can do.

But the nature of my blog is going to change. So far, this has been an experiment in hiding behind a pseudonym so I can say dumb and wicked things. As I write this, I can't for the life of me figure out why. I guess it's that old writer-trick of having an Audience in mind that helps draw out a different voice, different content... some people use blogs to barf up their inner children. I was using it to play a part.

But I started a couple other blogs "for serious" that I never have written - one for my Soul Diet project, the other for my thoughts on Motherhood. And in my writing project world, I have the lurking project of a Memoir, which has gone through various iterations...

What I realized just now - I was pseudo-napping - I find I always think up exactly what I want to write and the most brilliant and witty lines right when I'm about to fall asleep, so I'm constantly faced with the choice of kicking myself out of bed out of loyalty to my "art" or delving into blissful (and these days, rare) sleep - I hate this choice -

Anyway, I realized that I've been trying to compartmentalize by separating my writing projects into these distinct texts, and that it's just not going to work that way. I don't have a complete thought for each of these, because they are the threads that weave together my life - to undo them, tease them apart from each other, detangle the strands, doesn't quite comb them straight but disconnect their roots, leaving them lifeless.

Which is funny, because I feel like older women are always telling me that men are the ones who compartmentalize, and women muddle every emotion and thought together. But I tend to try to categorize and box and label and file all the time, and I'm a girl, so I don't know what that means, except that it's not working, and I need to let it all be a muddle mess if I'm going to get anywhere.

So for the month of November, I'm going to write about my past, about my father, about the cult into which I was born, about my philosophy, about being a mother, about all of it, past and present, and it may be a total chaotic wreck, but it might be more accurate in telling these stories I need to tell than the other way.

I don't know. I could be wrong. I will attempt to find out. I may spend the whole month writing about how hard it is to write about these things. There could be knashing of teeth (and bridges) (ha ha). There could be more bad puns like that one...

But that's the drill of this effort, the drive of this endeavor... it may not work in the form of this blog... I can feel the doubt shuffling off to Buffalo...

Vegetarian Spout-Off

From an e-mail of a local person:

We went to Chili's Saturday, because we had this sudden desire for french fries and were too tired to go shopping to fill our empty fridge.

It was so strange being there - we never go anywhere like this, Fridays, or Ruby Tuesdays, or any "American" food place, because they have barely anything vegetarian. Chili's only has their black bean burger - which is cheaper to make at home, which we usually do.

But it was just this weird cultural moment, to realize how much of mainstream America we miss b/c we don't eat meat. We frequent a handful of restaurants here in Cville, so much so the waiters tend to know us by name. But we're getting so BORED of them.

Still, I thought I'd list my top ten vegetarian-option restaurants/types of food to see if any of you had any suggestions for something else we could try!

1. Indian - Maharaja - the weekend buffets are great (we prefer to Milan) - and the service very friendly
2. Mexican - we prefer Baja Bean, but are usually too lazy and just go to Guadelajara, which is closer/easier parking
3. Thai - Monsoon - again, we prefer Monsoon, but Thai 99 is closer (and Monsoon has weird, undependable hours)
4. Chinese - Ming Dynasty is the only place we ever go - they have the most comprehensive and varied vegetarian menu of any place in town, I think
5. Ethiopian - yummy, but overpriced - we've only been there twice
6. Pizza - Christian's on the Downtown Mall - and that other one - both have yum vegetables, and it's a great on the go option - otherwise, we usually get plain cheese pizzas at the grocery store and then add our own fake meat and vegetables - Mellow Mushroom has awesome veg sandwhiches
7. Millers - for a good price when you want to hang out and have some good beers, there's a few good veg options - Greek Salad, burrito, couple sandwhiches - I really appreciate this
8. South Street - the black bean veg nachos are awesome, great, filling pub food to go with the great beer
9. Bluegrass Grill - awesome veg and vegan options for breakfast - just get there early, long
lines
10. Revolutionary Soup - great options if you're in the mood for soup - local, organic, too


I don't really have any more to make it to 10...

Places that used to be on my list:
Pita Inn - with their departure from the scene, no more good Middle Eastern around...

Rapture - they used to have a hummus plate that rocked, but they nixed it, which was really depressing. Still, they have some noodle bowls that are okay.

Wild Greens - doesn't it sound like it should be a great veg place? But all the huge salads have meat in them. There's a portobello sandwhich that's okay, but I'm annoyed about the salad situation.

Star Hill - my husband's favorite fake meat sandwhich got taken off the menu - a HUGE disappointment

New Yahoo Groups for Local Families

CvilleWorkingMoms - a resource/support network, which may eventually have enough sway to get some more programs for parents who work

Cville Veg Families - resource/support for local vegetarian families to share recipes, locations for purchasing / dining, etc.


I can't believe North Korea tested its bomb.

Actually, I can. I can totally believe it. I just don't know what to think or do about it.

Sigh.

We're Not Rich: The Ultimate Cville Confession

So, we're having an event at our house.

Most of the people coming to this event own their houses, their nice, clean houses.

We rent. Yes, we do! We rent our house! And, it's an old house. The deck is crumbling. Spiders infest. It's impossible to make it look clean, because it needs to be painted. Our furniture is mostly secondhand. And: we don't have enough cash to run out and buy stuff to make us look more... decent.

So the challenge for us is to avoid feeling ashamed about our house around the more wealthy people who will be coming. I mean, it's not that we're keeping up with the jones' type - we've made other choices... Our family kind of happened all of a sudden. We're abnormal. I suppose I should embrace this.

I guess for me it's more like I don't want anyone to assume that THIS is my taste, you know? It's not that I care about showing that I have moola.

I actually kind of grew up like this, caught between worlds. My parents were poor, by choice, but intellectuals. I made friends with rich people, invariably, whose houses were grand compared to our little shacks. So I should be used to this - to holding my head up - hoping I'm not judged on the quality of the carpet I'm not looking at.

I just wish we didn't feel so outnumbered. I wish that I could somehow make friends with people who didn't have trust funds or wealthy parents or cushy jobs, enough so they have managed to purchase overpriced houses in this crazy real estate market.

Am I the only one, secretly not affluent in this crazy, souped-up little expensive town???

How do people do it??

I HATE people who don't reply to their e-mails!!!!

I cannot stand it when people do not answer their e-mails.

Yes, I know some people are either

a) busy
b) relegated to checking email only once or twice a week (who are these people?)
c) dumb

but good lord, if you get an e-mail, even if you don't have time to type a tome, let the person know you've received it and will get back to them. It is SO rude to just "lose" it and never respond.

WORSE: when you send out an Evite, and you can see people have VIEWED your invitation, but they won't respond... not even to say "Undecided"... how am I supposed to interpret that? Is the person waiting to see if anything better comes along?

WORSER: you belong to a small group e-mail list, and over the course of several months, you don't remove yourself from it, even though you NEVER respond or show up to any events. WHY do you still stay on the list??? It is SO annoying. Do you want off? Are you just hitting DELETE when you see our e-mails in your inbox? What is going on in your head? WHy burden everyone else with having to remove you or ask you what's going on?

People: it is MORE RUDE to ignore replying to an e-mail than it is to send rejection, decline, whatever. Even if you write to say "I'm sorry, but I really hate your guts and don't want you to write me any longer" or "I'm not coming to your party because your house stinks" or "We're just really too good for you" - this is what I"m guessing people want to say -- it's MUCH better than just the sound of frakin silence.

Don't keep them guessing. They will guess the worst.

CVS at Barracks Road: Shout Out

Oh my god: the NICEST people in the world work there.

Maybe I am jaded from the CVS on Fifth Street, where, combined with the people who staff the Food Lion, I always feel like I'm in a depressed, third-world country. Seriously -- shopping at that strip mall is like entering one of those rings in hell.

Everyone looks dead in the eyes. They don't smile or talk to customers. When they chat with each other, it's gruff and aggressive. Probably it's the bad lighting, dirt, poor pay that does it.

Anyway, this great CVS on Barracks Road featured:
1) several staff people - that is, the manager obviously cares about helping people
2) all of them took the time to ask me if I was finding anything or needed help
3) the photo guy also offered help, got off the phone to help me -- the biggest rarity of all these days -- and promised to have my prints done in 20 minutes
4) they smiled

And basically made me feel like a million bucks.

What is going on? Are they paid better? Is there better morale? Is it because the store is clean? Is it better because of the location?

Whatever it is, I wish that all retail places would follow this example. It makes shopping a pleasure instead of a pain - for everyone involved...