Return of the Color Blue

This weekend I cleaned out the black banana peels rotting on the floor of my car.

I did situps with my exercise ball.

I flossed my teeth.

I got to work on time.

You say, so what? I say, this is the first time I’ve done any of these things in months.

It's not just the affect of having had a baby. It's also that part of me is still a rebellious child who hates doing things like flossing and proper banana peel disposal. I have an irrational distaste for the mundane.

Also, Daylight Savings Time ended. Josephine woke up at 5:30 a.m. So I had time to make a smoothie and coffee. I’ve decided to stop using the free coffee pods at work, even though the obsessive freeloader cheapskate in me feels obligated to because they are free, because the coffee is not fair trade, doing so incurs the weight of a paper cup, and I don’t want to waste the energy of that drat machine that has to grumble for each meager cup.

Little things do matter.

I also shopped at the natural food store. I bought gifts: some matte tea for Elaine, who is having a hard time not drinking coffee and a hard time drinking it; and organic almond cleaner for JoJo, who likes the smell when I wash Josie in it.

I’ve never understood before the sense of well-being and satisfaction possible when one makes good choices about how one spends money, but buying organic, non-exploitave products, and sharing them, really does make me feel good.

Maybe it seems silly that at the end of October I’m finally getting around to exercising and flossing and cleaning my car and just getting refreshed, but this is my favorite time of year, the cold invigorates and refreshes me.

I realized that I’m still sifting out all the values from my previous marriage I had lived by but didn’t believe in. Becoming a vegetarian was the first step -- I made that right after we separated. But gradually I’m unfettering myself from other constraints, like wearing blue. Tony hated the color blue.